An Introduction...

I am sitting in a place I would never wish on an enemy...a jail cell. Well, if a jail cell is my mom's touch screen computer and the handcuffs are the keyboard. Here I sit, blogging. Much like my perpetual single status, my ten extra pounds, and my younger sister's wedding; this is something I have never desired to experience or take part in. Something, in my world, only little, married, baby producing women use to show other little, married, pregnant women thier babies, and thier baby's babies. Women, often times younger than myself, who have looked at me with drooping brows and sad eyes, speaking with hushed tones upon my approach as though I have just been diagnosed with seriously incurable sickness--The only symptom of which is lack of marriage and only becomes terminal as I am about to die. You know the kind of ladies of whom I am referring, the kind who tilt their heads to the side when they speak to you, who spend all day making wreaths or beading a wash rag or starting a play date planning business.

I am using this medium as a venue to work out my own anxieties, frustrations, fears, annoyances, greivances, suprises, successes and boredoms. Maybe, I am just afraid that I won't turn into those women I depise or I am afraid I have missed my own opportunity. At any rate, I do this so I can hold my head up high as I walk this earth. So that I will have the quiet, personal satisfaction, of looking people and situations in the eye, with a silent smirk, knowing that I have told them off in a blog. It's really about life's little successes. This has no point, it has no aspirations, it is not meant to offend, it is only to fulfill the self serving purposes of helping me feel better about my life and the random/awkward/cruel/hilarious happenings therein. Personal experiences that help me to laugh instead of sit down and weep. So, ....ahem...without another moment of delay, I say with confidence, "Opportunity, love, riches, good looks, success... you never came. So I present to you, MY PLAN B!"

I kid you not, these situations have really occurred, things said to me by others, or things I have said to others without thinking. Please, read it for enjoyment and take from it what you will, I make no promises and my only purpose is to share with you moments that you can a.) be grateful never happened to you, b.) make you laugh, or c.) allow you some comfort in your marital semi bliss...because, "out there" is a place to which you should NEVER want to return.

Honestly, if this keeps one family together I've served my purpose.

So, come with me, grab your grain of salt, a tissue, and your single brother's number (I'll only give up hope when I am dead) and let us share together, the most embarassing things that have ever happened to human beings. (seriously where's your brother's number?)